


Dreaming of a White Christmas

by KJaneway115



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Party, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Happy Ending, Holidays, Janeway/Chakotay - Freeform, Janeway/Chakotay Romance, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Romance, Star Trek: Voyager - Freeform, Voyager, j/c - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJaneway115/pseuds/KJaneway115
Summary: It's their first Christmas back in the Alpha Quadrant, but Voyager's former crew isn't feeling much in the holiday spirit, least of all the former captain and first officer.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 24
Kudos: 68





	Dreaming of a White Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all. A special thanks to Indian Summer, Koneia and Hester for the weekly encouragement, and, most especially to my favorite and most wonderful editor, Mizvoy. My annual Voyager Christmas story and gift to all of you, especially my fellow VAMBies.

> _December 11, 2378_
> 
> _Starbase 718_

She sat alone, the strains of a heartfelt melody meeting her ears as she sipped a glass of red wine.“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know,” the voice sang.The lyrics conjured memories of the first snowfall in Indiana, white, fluffy powder covering the lawn of the Indiana farmhouse where she had spent her childhood.She could almost hear her sister’s voice calling for her, “Katie, come out and play!” She could almost taste the icy fresh snow on her tongue as she took a handful in her mitten and couldn’t resist reaching out her tongue to taste the new fallen snow.She could almost feel the shock of a cold snowball hitting her, the icy snow finding its way down her collar and into her jacket.She could almost smell the snow as it clung to her thick, winter jacket while she lay on the ground, frantically moving her arms and legs to create a snow angel. She closed her eyes, remembering the warm, sweet smell and rich taste of the hot cocoa her mother had served when she and her sister had finally come inside, exhausted from playing in the snow.The cocoa was warm and sweet on her tongue.The marshmallows bobbed against her lips as she sipped it while her sister, sitting across the table from her, babbled on and on about what she wanted for Christmas.

Kathryn Janeway opened her eyes and realized she was exactly where she had been ten minutes earlier, sitting in her stark Starfleet issue quarters on Starbase 718.She wasn’t in Indiana, and her family was nowhere nearby.She was alone at her desk.It was two weeks before her first Christmas in the Alpha Quadrant in seven years, and she would be spending it alone.

She still couldn’t decide if Starfleet had separated her crew on purpose, or if it had just been the way the assignments had fallen, but nearly every member of her former crew had been assigned someplace different after _Voyager_ ’s return.She had her own private suspicions that it had been a deliberate tactic, that Starfleet had seen how close her crew was to each other and had purposefully separated them to ensure that there were no bonds between them stronger than their bonds to Starfleet.Especially after the Dominion War, she suspected that Starfleet was afraid of the former Maquis and doubted their loyalties.They wanted to do everything they could to ensure that the former Maquis were loyal to Starfleet as an organization and not just to their former captain.She also harbored strong suspicions that Starfleet did not trust her, especially after some of her more… unorthodox… decisions in the Delta Quadrant, hence her assignment to the remote Starbase 718.

“Katie, when are you coming home?” Phoebe had whined in her last message. 

“I’ll be back before Christmas,” she had replied.But she had just gotten word that the _USS Leeds_ , which was supposed to transport her back to Earth, had been delayed on an aide mission to a planet experiencing unusual seismic activity, and that they would have to delay their visit to Starbase 718 as well as their journey to Earth.It seemed unlikely that she would make it home in time for Christmas.The thought made her feel melancholy, and she had put on some Christmas music from the computer database to try and lighten her mood.

While the Janeway family had abandoned all religious connotations of Christmas generations earlier, Gretchen Janeway had insisted that the family celebrate with all the traditional trappings, and it had become a cherished holiday in Kathryn’s life.As children, she and her sister had anxiously awaited Christmas morning, when they would find their Christmas stockings filled with gifts from Santa Claus.It was one of the few times in her life that Kathryn remembered her entire family being together, even her father, and everyone being happy.

Even as she had gotten older, and after her father had passed away, Christmas had retained a special place in her heart.Somehow, she always managed to make it home for Christmas, to spend it with her mother and sister.She closed her eyes and remembered the way the house smelled, of pine and cinnamon, usually with some fresh, delicious goodie coming out of the oven.There was a constant stream of neighbors and family friends, most who had known her since she was a child, who would stop by during the holiday season.Gretchen Janeway would always invite them in for a cookie and a steaming hot cup of coffee.Christmas Eve consisted of a dinner party with several courses, all cooked from scratch by Gretchen’s own hand, of course, and Kathryn and Phoebe had learned from a young age how to help serve the guests.Christmas Day was always a quiet day spent with just the family, one that usually ended with playing games, and, when Kathryn and Phoebe were adults, often quite a bit of drinking among the three Janeway ladies.Kathryn smiled just thinking about it.

_Voyager_ ’s first year in the Delta Quadrant had been the first year that Kathryn had missed Christmas with her family.She had been prepared to let the holiday pass without notice, determined to endure her grief in solitude.She’d made a casual comment to Chakotay about it, she remembered.He’d been surprised that in all the previous years, with her dedication to her Starfleet career, she’d never missed a Christmas at home.The next thing she’d known, Neelix had planned a surprise Christmas Eve feast in the mess hall.He’d even gone through the database to find popular Christmas recipes from different cultures.She didn’t realize until much later that it had been Chakotay who had put the bug in Neelix’s ear about the holiday.And after that, the _Voyager_ crew had always managed some kind of a Christmas celebration, even though some years it was more meager than others.It was always a time that they could come together and be grateful for each other, even though it was a time when many of them missed their families back home the most.

There had been no doubt in her mind that this year, she would be back on Earth for Christmas, celebrating with her family again, but now, with the news she’d just received, she realized that she’d probably be spending Christmas alone.She had a cordial relationship with her crew on the starbase, but nothing like the familial bond she’d developed with _Voyager_ ’s crew.Many on the starbase had families of their own and friendships that long pre-dated her arrival.She didn’t anticipate that she’d be sharing Christmas with any of them.

Tears stung the back of her eyes as she wondered, not for the first time, why she’d taken this assignment. _Voyager_ ’s return had happened so quickly.They’d all been debriefed in an excruciating process, after which she’d felt physically and emotionally exhausted.She’d gone home to spend two weeks with her family and immediately had received her orders for reassignment.So had the rest of her crew, and those who’d chosen to stay in Starfleet had been dispersed across the galaxy.Those who’d chosen to leave had taken whatever opportunities they could find and had likewise been scattered.

The tight knit crew that could not be broken up or phased by the Borg, Species 8472, having their memories wiped and being given new identities, or even having their minds taken over by a crazed Bajoran vedek, had been effectively separated by the mere randomness of circumstance.And there was nothing that she, their captain, could do about it.

Now, stationed on the remote starbase, alone, with a job that amounted to little more than pushing papers, she wondered if she even belonged in Starfleet anymore.She wondered if she belonged anywhere.“There’s no place like home for the holidays,” a chorale sang from her computer terminal, and the tears that were stinging her eyes spilled over onto her cheeks.

She missed the magic of the Christmases of her childhood, the warmth and comfort of her Christmases as an adult in the safe haven of her childhood home with her family.She missed the happiness, fun and connection she’d felt during Christmas celebrations on _Voyager_.She missed Neelix’s botched versions of traditional human cuisine.She missed Tom and Harry’s annual Christmas pageant and their yearly attempts to get Tuvok to perform.She missed hearing the Doctor and Seven harmonize together on Christmas carols.She missed having a cup of hot cocoa in the messhall with B’Elanna.She missed Chakotay’s smile as he rang her doorbell and offered her his arm to escort her to the annual Christmas party.There had even been one year when they had been running short on supplies, and the Christmas party fare had consisted solely of foods that had been grown in the hydroponics bay or were based on meager improvements to emergency rations.But it hadn’t mattered.They had been together.Now, she had finally made it back to the Alpha Quadrant, but she was alone.

She took a deep breath and swiped her tears away. _Grow up, Kathryn,_ she admonished herself. _You faced down the Kazon, the Borg, the Vidiians and the Hirogen.You can handle a little bit of loneliness._

“Hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near,” a voice sang.

“Computer, end music,” Janeway ordered.She picked up her wine glass and took it over to the window, sipping in silence as she looked out at the starry sky.

* * *

> _December 11, 2378_
> 
> _New York City_

Chakotay turned up the collar on his coat and braced himself against the wet snowflakes blowing into his face.He moved his fingers inside his black gloves to try to keep them warm in the chill of the New York winter.He switched the small paper bag containing his bagel and cup of coffee from one hand to the other.Despite the cold, he was grateful for the fresh air and the opportunity to get outside before he sat for the rest of the day at his desk, grading papers. 

He passed a street vendor selling Christmas trees, the array of greenery lining the sidewalk on both sides.As he walked through the verdant trees of various shapes and sizes, the smell of pine assaulted his nostrils, and he breathed it in deeply.All the shop windows were decorated with holiday decorations, and cheerful music wafted out of one of the doorways.“Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more,” a voice crooned.Chakotay walked faster.The cheerfulness of the decorations, the glittering lights and the big band music seemed in stark contrast to his own feelings.

He hadn’t grown up celebrating Christmas and hadn’t known anyone who did.His first encounters with the holiday were at the Academy, but he had never really celebrated the holiday until his time on _Voyager_.He had known the moment he had seen the expression on Kathryn’s face that day in her ready room that he would have to start celebrating Christmas right then and there.It was the first time she had admitted to him how much she missed her family, and one of the few times during their journey that she had opened up to him about it.She had initially tried to hide her disappointment and loneliness, but he had seen through her facade. 

They’d been engaged in a casual conversation in her ready room in early December of their first year in the Delta Quadrant.There had been a moment of silence and she’d said to him softly, “You know, Chakotay, it’s two weeks until Christmas.”

He’d looked at her, surprised.“Christmas, Captain?”At the time, he’d never called her anything but captain.

She’d smiled at him, her cheeks coloring with embarrassment.“I know, it’s silly.”

“No, I don’t think it’s silly,” he’d reassured her.“I just didn’t know you celebrated.”

She’d nodded, her eyes straying to the window of her ready room so she could watch the stars whizzing by.“Somehow, I’ve managed to make it home to my mother’s house to celebrate with my family every year.”She’d paused, and he could almost see the lump rising in her throat.“This is the first year I’ll be alone.”

Then, she’d turned back to him and quickly changed the subject.Back to business.That was Kathryn.Never one to dwell too long on emotions.

It was one of the first times that Chakotay had seen her vulnerablility, and as he walked out of the ready room, he was already formulating a plan of how to make Christmas special for his captain, even in the Delta Quadrant.Then had followed six years of Christmases together.Six years during which he’d come to appreciate Christmas for the first time in his life.It was one of the few times of the year that _Voyager_ ’s crew all got together, and that everyone was happy, including the captain.Especially in the later years of their journey, it was so rare to see Kathryn genuinely enjoying herself, and he cherished those brief moments, including Christmas.

He had never imagined that he would care about Christmas, but now, as he observed the colored lights flashing on another small shop window, he felt a nostalgia for the gatherings of _Voyager_ , when he’d been sitting a little too close to Kathryn on one of the couches in the mess hall, drinking Neelix’s beverage concoction of the year, laughing as people opened gifts from their Secret Santas.His knee pressed just a little too tightly against hers, but the alcoholic concoction impaired his judgment just enough that he didn’t pull away.

After _Voyager_ ’s return to the Alpha Quadrant, he had accepted an assignment in the anthropology department on a research ship, but had quickly discovered that serving on a Starfleet ship without Kathryn Janeway held little appeal for him.He had tendered his resignation and, through an old Academy contact, been able to secure a position teaching anthropology at a university in New York City.

“For the holidays you can’t beat home sweet home,” another voice drifted out of an open shop door.The phrase stuck out to Chakotay.Home sweet home.He wondered if he even had a “home sweet home” anymore. _Voyager_ had been the closest thing he’d had to a home in a long time.He’d thought, perhaps, when _Voyager_ returned, that he would build a home with Seven, but things hadn’t worked out that way.It looked like he would be spending this Christmas the same way he had spent most other nights of the past seven months, alone.

* * *

> _December 13, 2378_
> 
> _The Daystrom Institute, Okinawa_

Seven of Nine looked down at her perfectly organized desk with satisfaction.While some of her colleagues, she had observed, kept their offices in disarray, she made a point of ensuring that hers was always impeccable.It was, after all, the most efficient way to work.She turned off her computer monitor and closed it.As she did, one of her colleagues passed by her office.

“Hey, Seven!” called Dr. Roikamakken, his long, curly hair falling in his face as he stopped.“Are you going to the Christmas party tomorrow night?”

“No,” she replied.“I have work to attend to.”

“Don’t you ever do anything other than work, Seven?” Roikamakken asked, taking a step into her office and brushing back his unruly hair.He was a somewhat disheveled but brilliant Betazoid scientist.He was one of the very few who had taken time to try to get to know her, and while she didn’t always appreciate his prying into her personal life, she did value his bluntness and his genuine attempts at friendship.

“I find social gatherings with our colleagues here to be awkward,” she admitted.“I thought that I had mastered the art of social gatherings on _Voyager_ , but here, I find I don’t know what to say to people.”

Roikamakken smiled gently.“It took you time to become part of a community on _Voyager_.All of us here at Daystrom are a little awkward sometimes, but give us a chance.”

Seven hesitated, unsure whether she should voice her true thoughts, but Roikamakken sensed her hesitation and waited patiently.Finally, she said, “I did become a part of a community on _Voyager_ , but now that community is gone.Who knows how long I will be stationed here?What is the purpose of putting in the time and effort to create a community when it is only temporary?”

“I think you already know the answer to that question, Seven,” Roikamakken replied.“Think about your time on _Voyager_.Do you really regret the time and effort you spent to create those friendships?And is that community really gone just because you’re not all in the same location anymore?”Seven regarded him, but didn’t answer.He let a long silence pass before saying, “Just think about the party, okay?”

She nodded.“I will consider it.”

“Good.Have a good night.”And with another toss of his curly hair, Roikamakken left her office. 

Seven packed up the briefcase she carried to the office every day and put on the light rain jacket she had worn that morning.She asked the computer to turn off the lights and left her office.

Shortly after the _Voyager_ crew’s debriefing process had ended, Seven had been offered a position at the prestigious Daystrom Institute.After a long conversation with Captain Janeway about the offer, she had decided to accept it, and she had no regrets about her decision.While the choice had also played a part in her breakup with Chakotay, she had no regrets about that choice, either.Daystrom seemed like the best use for her talents and knowledge.She was respected by her colleagues, and even often challenged by their brilliance.She had found an efficient studio apartment in a high rise building in downtown Okinawa, and she felt at home in the austere and minimalistic culture of the city.

Okinawa was not as overt in its celebration of Christmas as some other Earth cities.At least this is what it seemed to Seven from pictures and videos she had seen.Naomi Wildman had recently shown her holoimages of extensive displays in and around Paris, where Naomi was now living with both of her parents.However, there were certain streets that Seven passed on her walk home where the shops were illuminated with colored lights or had brightly lit Christmas trees in front of them.

She had no memory of celebrating Christmas as a small child, although she understood from stories that her aunt had told her that her parents had celebrated the holiday with her when she was very young.Her first memories of Christmas were on _Voyager_.She had never felt entirely comfortable with the holiday, nor could she say she entirely understood it, but the previous year, she had found herself enjoying _Voyager_ ’s Christmas party.

She had learned several traditional Christmas carols and had sung them with her good friend, the Doctor.She had exchanged gifts with Naomi Wildman, and Captain Janeway had given her one of her own paintings that she had completed while under Master DaVinci’s tutelage, which was now the only piece of artwork in her apartment.It had been one of the first times that Seven had felt truly accepted into the _Voyager_ family. 

Now that it was Christmas and she had a new life in Okinawa, she found that there was a strange feeling in her chest whenever she saw a Christmas tree, or a brightly lit store, or heard the strains of one of the carols she had sung with the Doctor.She walked past an open shop door and heard a chorale sing a familiar strain, “Yonder breaks a new and joyous morn.”She felt her heart clench in her chest upon hearing the music, and felt a lump rising in her throat.

She pushed it down and walked faster, trying to get away from the dulcet sounds.Even months later, she was unused to the sudden rising of her emotions.She wondered why the Christmas carol should provoke such a strong feeling now, and reflected back on Dr. Roikamakken’s words. _“I think you already know the answer to that question,”_ he’d said. 

Just because the community she’d become a part of on _Voyager_ was now physically split up, did it make those relationships any less worthwhile or any less real?No, of course not.But it also didn’t make her miss those people and the time she had spent with them any less.Roikamakken had one good point.She did spend almost all of her time working.Perhaps instead of attending the Daystrom Institute party, she would take the weekend off and go to San Francisco to visit a friend.

* * *

> _December 13, 2378_
> 
> _USS Alhambra_

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Libby said through the screen. “I just can’t do this anymore. I’m really sorry.”

“Libby, I…”

She shook her head.“Don’t try to convince me to change my mind this time.I’m sorry, but it’s really over this time.”

The screen showed the Starfleet symbol, indicating that the transmission ended, and Harry Kim sat back in his chair.“Damn it!” he shouted, slamming his hand down against his desk.He stood up and began to pace around his quarters angrily.But as he paced, the anger began to wear off.

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised.He and Libby had both changed so much during the past seven years, he had been foolish to think that things between them could work again.When _Voyager_ had returned, it had just so happened that she was single, after having recently ended a two-year relationship.Seeing each other had felt so good and seemed so right that they had initially seemed to pick up right where they left off.But then he’d been given a promotion and assigned to the _Alhambra_ , and Starfleet had refused to grant his request for a post on Earth.Unwilling to give up his career, he had taken the post over Libby’s objections.Ever since, their relationship had been tumultuous at best.She’d tried to end it twice before, but he’d convinced her to wait it out.“I have two weeks of leave coming up,” he’d assured her, “and I’ll spend it all with you.”

He snorted.Now he had two weeks of leave with nothing to do and no one to spend it with.“Damn it,” he muttered.He was sure his parents would be thrilled to see him, but two weeks alone with his parents was hardly Harry Kim’s idea of a vacation.Nor did he relish the idea of telling his parents that he was once again single.He gritted his teeth in frustration.As strange as it sounded, he sometimes longed for his days on _Voyager_ in the Delta Quadrant, playing Captain Proton on the holodeck with Tom, having dinner parties with Tom and B’Elanna, facing the alien crisis of the week.There had been many challenges, but it had never been dull, and conquering those challenges had always felt worthwhile and rewarding to him.

He had been looking forward to this Christmas, thinking it would be like old times.Libby, her family, his parents and himself, all together celebrating.Like it was supposed to be.But now it would just be him and his parents, while they questioned him about when his next promotion would be coming and what his prospects were of finding a new girlfriend on the _Alhambra_.He sighed, wishing he could go back to the Christmas parties on _Voyager_ , everyone laughing and having a good time, even the captain.

He glanced back at his now blank computer terminal, wondering if he should try to call Libby back. _No,_ he told himself. _She’s done with you.She made it very clear.It’s time to let her go and move on._ The thought brought tears to his eyes, and he swiped them away angrily. _You’re a grown man, for god’s sakes,_ he told himself. _What are you doing crying over a lost love?_

He knew exactly what to do on a night like this.He went to his closet and pulled out a bottle of real whisky, a gift from Tom and B’Elanna for his promotion to Lieutenant Commander.He cracked it open, only wishing that Tom Paris was here to share in his misery.

* * *

> _December 13, 2378_
> 
> _Utopia Planitia_

“Aren’t those pretty, Miral?” Tom Paris asked his seven month old daughter as he held her up to their Christmas tree.She stared at the colored lights and shiny tinsel on the tree, transfixed.

“Yes,” he heard his wife’s voice behind him, “Daddy did an excellent job of setting up the Christmas tree.”

“Why thank you,” Tom replied, grinning.

“While Mommy took care of a very fussy baby.”B’Elanna came to stand beside her husband at the tree.

“You’re an amazing mother, B’Elanna,” Tom said, leaning over to kiss her.He looked at her face under the soft glow of the tree lights.“Really.”

She blushed at the compliment and didn’t know what to say.She accepted Tom’s arm around her waist and nestled into his side.

Tom Paris breathed in the pine scent of the tree, and smiled.His baby in one arm, his wife wrapped in the other, his life had never been so good.It was the perfect Christmas for his little family, something he had never dreamed he would experience, and that only a few years ago had seemed impossible.

B’Elanna felt her husband pull her closer.“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“How lucky I am,” he replied honestly, looking down at her.Then he looked back at the tree and its twinkling lights.“How I close I came to never having this at all.”

She squeezed him tighter.“We are lucky.”Miral gurgled and they both laughed.

“See?” he said.“Even Miral agrees.”

“She’s probably just getting hungry,” B’Elanna said dryly.“Here, hand her to me.”Tom handed his wife the baby, and as she sat down to feed her, she looked up at her husband.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“Not everyone is as lucky as we are, Tom.”She paused.“What about the captain, all alone on that starbase,?Or Chakotay, in New York by himself?”

Tom sat down beside his wife on the sofa.“I miss them, too.”

“It’s not just that I miss them.What are they going to do for Christmas?”

“The captain has a family,” Tom said.“Surely she’s spending Christmas with them.”

“Do you know that for sure?”

“And Chakotay doesn’t celebrate Christmas.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes.“Tom, he’s celebrated it for the last seven years with us.You don’t think he’s going to miss it this year?”She paused for a moment.“You don’t think he’s going to miss _her_?” 

Speculations about the nature of the captain’s relationship with Chakotay had been a frequent topic between Tom and B’Elanna over the years.B’Elanna was convinced that Chakotay, one of her closest friends, was in love with Captain Janeway, but too afraid of damaging their friendship and their command structure to speak up about his feelings.Tom speculated that the captain, too, had been in love with her first officer, but as a good Starfleet captain of the old school, believed a relationship with a member of her crew was impossible.He and B’Elanna had been surprised when Chakotay had taken up with Seven of Nine, but not at all surprised when the ill-advised relationship had ended a few months later.

“Okay,” Tom said.“You’re right.”He paused, thinking.“And they’re not the only ones.What about Seven?Icheb?The Doctor?And people like Ken Dalby…There’s a lot of Voyagers who don’t have family.”

B’Elanna nodded.“ _We_ were their family for seven years.What are they going to do this year at Christmas?Find somewhere to go where they’ll feel out of place?Spend the holiday alone?”

Tom felt his heart swell with pride at the woman who had become his wife and the mother of his child.While he had been busy thinking about how lucky he was, she was busy thinking about everyone else.

“I didn’t celebrate Christmas most of my life, from the time my father left us, until _Voyager_ ,” she said.“I was thinking about how I’d feel if I didn’t have you and Miral.I’d be lonely.I’d be missing the Christmases we had on _Voyager._ ”

Tom chuckled.“We did have some good times.”

“We did.Especially with your and Harry’s Christmas pageant.”

“Harry!” Tom exclaimed.“Harry’s supposed to have two weeks of leave.He promised to bring Libby to come visit us.”

“Tom, don’t get distracted,” B’Elanna admonished.“What can we do for everyone from _Voyager_?”

“Let’s organize something,” Tom said, a twinkle beginning to form in his eye.“My parents have that big cabin in the mountains in Nevada.They’re not using it over Christmas.We can have our annual _Voyager_ Christmas Eve party there.”

“What about your parents, Tom?They won’t want to miss Miral’s first Christmas.”

“We’ll spend Christmas Day with them, just like we planned.Come on, B’Elanna.It’ll be great.”

“It’s a little last minute,” she said.“Not everyone will be able to make it.But let’s try.We have to get the word out.”

Tom grinned.“Getting the word out has never been a problem among us Voyagers.You know we can spread a rumor faster than any other Starfleet crew in history.”

B’Elanna laughed.“True.”

“Let’s call Harry first.”

“Okay.You set up the call while I finish feeding Miral.”

Tom placed one more kiss on his wife’s lips and hurried into the other room to the computer terminal, excited about his new plan.It took a long time for the comm system to connect to the _Alhambra_ , and Tom began to wonder if the ship was out of range for subspace communication.After almost a full minute, a ragged looking Harry Kim appeared on the screen.“Harry?” Tom asked.

“Tom!” Harry exclaimed.“Tom, I was just thinking you should be here.”

He was slurring his words.“Harry, are you drunk?”

“Drunk?No, I’m not drunk.”He picked up a familiar bottle of whiskey, half empty.“This is all I had,” he slurred.“It’s not that much.”

“Harry, listen to me.Put the bottle down.Get yourself some coffee or something and tell me what happened.”Tom had rarely seen his friend drink alone, much less get wasted, so he knew something bad must have happened.

“I don’t need coffee, Tom.I need more whiskey.”

At that moment, B’Elanna entered the room, and seeing Harry’s haggard appearance over Tom’s shoulder, she exclaimed, “Harry Kim, what has gotten into you?”

B’Elanna’s sharp tone was able to reach Harry in a way Tom hadn’t.He looked up at the screen, forlorn.“Libby broke up with me.”

“Again?” Tom asked.

B’Elanna elbowed her husband and leaned over to put her face next to his on the screen.“Harry, I’m sorry,” she said.

“Not sorrier than I am.”

“Harry, Harry, there are other fish in the sea,” Tom tried to reassure his friend.“Believe me, this will just pave the way for someone better to come into your life.”

“Easy for you to say,” Harry replied.“Now I have two weeks of leave and no one to spend it with other than my parents.”

“First of all,” B’Elanna said sternly, “that’s not true.You’re going to come and spend part of it with us.Second of all, we called you because we had an idea about Christmas, if you can stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to hear it.”

“Sorry, B’Elanna,” Harry said.“What’s the idea?”

When Tom and B’Elanna told Harry about their idea, it lifted his spirits immediately.“I think it’s a great idea!” he said.“Perfect.Now, we just need to get everyone to show up.”He paused.“Especially the captain.”

B’Elanna nodded.“We agree, and we need you to help us spread the word.So drink some coffee and sober up, Starfleet.”

Harry grinned at her use of his old nickname.“Okay, Maquis.I’m on it.When do we start?”

* * *

> _December 14, 2378_
> 
> _Starfleet Headquarters, San Francisco_

“Have a good weekend, Doctor,” one of the nurses said to him, waving as she left the office.

“You, too,” the EMH called after her, and prepared himself to leave the office as well.He was feeling more jovial than usual because the day before, he’d received a call from Seven of Nine, asking if she could come and visit him this weekend.It had been several weeks since he had last seen her in person, and he welcomed her visit.

Seven’s brief relationship with Chakotay had put a strain on their friendship, but since the two had amicably called off their romance several months earlier, the Doctor felt that his friendship with Seven had gotten back to where it had been on _Voyager_.He no longer harbored any fantasies of a romantic relationship with her, but he was grateful that they were friends, and while the 17 hour time difference between Okinawa and San Francisco made frequent visits impossible, at least they enjoyed regular communication via subspace message.

They had discovered, after her breakup with Chakotay, that their situations and outlooks were surprisingly similar, and they faced many of the same challenges now that they were in the Alpha Quadrant.Neither had many significant relationships or family to return to.Seven had her aunt, and the Doc had Lewis Zimmerman, but it wasn’t as if either of them were returning to a community or group of friends or family that they had been close to before.They had both struggled with feeling isolated from the remainder of the _Voyager_ crew and had difficulty staying in touch with so many other crew members who were now scattered across the galaxy.Both had found jobs that they liked and found fulfilling and worked with colleagues that they enjoyed getting to know, but, even seven months after their return, both had failed to create a real social circle for themselves in their new lives.

The Doctor contemplated this as he left his office at Starfleet Medical.He often wondered if many of _Voyager_ ’s other crew members were suffering from similar issues, even those who had families or support systems to return to.Their return had been sudden and unexpected, their lives changed completely in a single day.And while getting home had been their stated goal, he knew that no one had imagined it could happen so quickly and so suddenly.

He often thought about the captain.He sent her frequent messages, but found her replies to be generic.“I’m fine,” was her usual refrain, but as someone who prided himself on being one of her closest friends, the Doctor had his doubts.Knowing Kathryn Janeway, he couldn’t imagine that she was fulfilled or happy as the commander of a remote starbase.

As he walked through the grounds of Starfleet Headquarters, he noticed and appreciated the many holiday decorations that adorned the trees and structures.Colored lights, bits of tinsel and decorated trees made the grounds feel quite festive.He started humming softly to himself one of the songs he had added to his music database.“Silver bells, silver bells,” he sang softly as he walked, “it’s Christmas time in the city.”He hoped that Seven would be up for singing some Christmas carols during her visit.Harmonizing with Seven was one of the things he missed the most about _Voyager_.

While he knew that many would scoff at his emotions and some might say that as a collection of photons and forcefields, he had no business missing anything or anyone, he knew that the truth was much deeper than that.He had feelings just like any person of flesh and blood.The jumble of emotions he had felt when _Voyager_ had returned to the Alpha Quadrant was proof of that.While he had felt overjoyed at the success of _Voyager_ ’s mission, he had also felt a great deal of trepidation about how others in Starfleet might treat him.He had experienced some discrimination, certainly, but it had been relatively minimal, and his colleagues at Starfleet Medical treated him with the utmost respect.Overall, he was enjoying creating a new life for himself, even though he missed his friends.

Although he hadn’t had quarters on _Voyager_ , he had decided that he wanted an apartment in San Francisco, a place to call home, where he could freely pursue his other interests.He had acquired a piano, an old-fashioned phonograph, and was in the process of accumulating a vast library of antique books.The first book in his collection had been a gift from the captain, Dante’s _La Vita Nuova_ , which she had given him during a particularly troubling time in the Delta Quadrant.

When he reached his apartment, which was a two bedroom on the second floor of an old San Francisco townhouse, he walked up the stairs to his front door.He still felt a swell of pride every time he opened the door to his own apartment.Having his own home on Earth was an achievement that he could never have imagined when he was first activated.He hung up his coat over the peg by the door and asked the computer for lights.

No sooner had the lights come on than he received a hail.“Starfleet Transporter Station to the Doctor.”

“Doctor here.”

“We have an incoming transport request for you, sir.”

The Doctor found himself smiling.“Put it through.”A moment later, Seven of Nine materialized in his living room.“Seven!” he exclaimed.“How wonderful to see you!”

Seven accepted the Doctor’s hug.“I am glad to see you, as well, Doctor.”

“Make yourself at home.I just arrived myself.”

“Am I too early?”

“No, no, not at all.”

Seven walked over to his new piano, which she had not yet seen in person.She ran her hand over it.“A beautiful instrument,” she said.

“I was hoping we could sing some Christmas carols this weekend,” the Doctor replied.

Seven smiled.“I would like that.”

While the Doctor put his belongings away, Seven took a few minutes to get settled in the guest room.As he was about to ask her what she’d like to do for dinner, the computer beeped, and said, “Incoming transmission from Utopia Planitia.”

The Doctor frowned.“Utopia Planitia?Tom and B’Elanna?I hope everything is all right,” he said to Seven.Then he ordered the computer, “Put it through.”

Tom Paris appeared on the Doctor’s screen.“Hiya, Doc,” he said.

“Mr. Paris, is everything all right?”

“What?Oh, yeah, we’re all fine.Actually, this is more of a social call.”

“I see,” said the Doctor.“Seven of Nine is here as well.”

“That’s perfect.This is a message for both of you.”

Seven moved to join the Doctor in the video frame.“Hello, Tom,” she said.

“Hi, Seven.”Tom proceeded to share the plan that he, B’Elanna and Harry had come up with.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” the Doctor said.“I’ll definitely be there.”

“I will also plan to attend,” said Seven.

“Great!” Tom replied.

“There’s just one thing,” the Doctor said, holding up a hand before Tom ended the call.“Have you spoken to the captain yet?”

“Harry’s on it.”Tom paused.“Don’t worry, Doc, we’ll do everything we can to get her there.”

The Doctor nodded.“Good.”

* * *

> _December 15, 2378_
> 
> _Starbase 718_

Kathryn Janeway stared at the computer on her desk, her mind wandering.She had no work of real consequence to accomplish and was having a hard time feeling motivated to complete what little she had.The _Leeds_ had been further delayed and it seemed impossible that she would make it back to Earth for Christmas.

To make matters worse, she’d received a call from Harry Kim the previous day telling her about the _Voyager_ Christmas Eve party that he and Tom were planning.It broke Kathryn’s heart to have to tell him that she wouldn’t be able to make it.She was stuck at the starbase, with no other Federation ships passing through that would be going anywhere near the Sol System.She hated to think that she would be missing not only Christmas with her mother and sister, but also the gathering with her _Voyager_ crew.“We can have a subspace video call,” Harry had suggested.“That way you can see everybody even though you can’t be there.”

“Sure,” she’d replied, but the reply had felt hollow.Subspace calls were a poor substitute for being there in person.And today, even though she knew she shouldn’t wallow in her sorrow, she couldn’t help the melancholy that had washed over her.It was her first Christmas back in the Alpha Quadrant.It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but now it was going to be like no Christmas at all. 

She sighed, debating about having another cup of coffee. _Chakotay would tell me I’ve had enough today already,_ she thought, and decided to opt for tea instead.She ordered one of Chakotay’s favorite blends from the replicator and took the steaming mug back to her desk. _Come on, Kathryn_ , she tried to cajole herself. _Get back to work._ With another heavy sigh, she turned her attention back to her computer monitor.Somehow, the report on movement of alien vessels in the sector was failing to hold her attention.A beep from her monitor indicated an incoming subspace transmission and she found herself grateful for the distraction, even if it was some pompous admiral calling to ask for another useless report.

The face that greeted her when she accepted the transmission, however, was not a pompous admiral, nor an admiral of any kind.She was shocked to see familiar features, a dimpled grin, and shining dark eyes looking at her through the monitor.“Chakotay!”

“Hello, Kathryn.”If it was possible, his grin became even wider.

She found she couldn’t help the smile that found its way to her own face in response.“I thought it was going to be some puffed up admiral making demands.”

He laughed.“Nope, no admiral here.”He paused.“At least not yet.”

“Angling to outrank me, are you?” she asked playfully.

“Not at all,” he replied.“I would never want to be an admiral.”

Now it was her turn to laugh.“A wise choice, I think.”

“Besides,” he added, “universities don’t have admirals.Just professors.”He made a face, as if the title was somewhat distasteful.

“How is Professor Chakotay?” she asked playfully.

“The teaching itself is great,” he said.“I’m not sure how I feel about the professor part.”

She laughed.“But surely you didn’t call me to talk about work.”

“No, I’m calling because I heard a rumor that you’re going to miss the _Voyager_ Christmas Eve party.”

Some of the joy she had felt at receiving his call faded at the statement.“Harry told you?” she asked.

“No, actually.I heard it from Mike Ayala, who apparently heard it from Sam Wildman, who heard it from Naomi, who heard it from Icheb.”He paused.“After that I lost track of it.”

In spite of her melancholy mood, she chuckled again.“Well, at least the _Voyager_ rumor mill is still in full operation.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

She sighed and told him the whole story of how she’d been supposed to spend Christmas with her mother and sister, and how the _Leeds_ had been delayed in an aide mission, and how, even though she’d scheduled the leave weeks ago, there were no other Federation starships in the sector that would be passing by Earth in the next ten days.“I was really looking forward to Christmas at home,” she admitted to him.

“After all the years you had to miss out on it, I’m sure you were,” he said.“But that’s why I was calling.I think I can help.”

“How?” she asked, fighting the glimmer of hope that she felt.

“I have an old friend from the Maquis, a Bajoran named Liat Vidal, who’s now captain of a freighter.He operates in your area, running supplies and trading goods between Angel I and the Sol System.He’s going to be passing by Starbase 718 within the next 48 hours, and he’s headed for the Sol System.He said he’ll be happy to have a passenger.”

She regarded him suspiciously.“You didn’t ask him to take that route specifically for me, did you?I don’t want to put anyone out.”

He shook his head.“I swear, Kathryn.It’s his normal route.He doesn’t usually transport passengers, though, so I can’t promise you luxury accommodations.”

“This captain has lived without luxury for quite some time,” she replied.“I’m sure whatever he has will be fine.”

“Good,” Chakotay said.“I’ll have him contact you when he’s on his way then.”

Kathryn stared at the screen for a long moment.“I don’t know what to say.Thank you.”

“Thank you is all you need to say,” Chakotay replied.Then he whispered conspiratorially, “Although the truth is, I’d probably do it even if you didn’t say thank you.”This made her smile again.“Just promise me one thing in return,” Chakotay said, almost as an afterthought.

“What’s that?”

“One dance at the Christmas Eve party.”

He was grinning at her again, his eyes sparkling. _Is he flirting with me? s_ he wondered, then decided to test the theory.“Just one?”

He pretended to think hard about the question for a moment, then answered, “Maybe more than one.That is, if I have time after all the other women who want to dance with me get their turn.”

“We’ll see about that,” Janeway replied.“Maybe I’m the one whose dance card will be full.”

“There’s no doubt about that,” Chakotay replied.“Every man there will want to dance with you.And maybe some of the women, too.”

At this, Janeway blushed.“Flattery will get you nowhere, Chakotay,” she warned, wagging a finger at him.

He winked at her.“If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

He laughed.“I’ll send you Liat’s call sign and tell him to contact you when he’s a few hours away from the station.”

“Copy that,” Janeway replied.“Chakotay, thank you.”

Chakotay grinned.“You’re welcome.And, Kathryn?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll see you in a few days.”

The call ended, and the Federation logo appeared on Kathryn’s screen, leaving her with a feeling of bubbly anticipation.Perhaps she’d have a good Christmas this year, after all.

* * *

> _December 16, 2378_
> 
> _S'Lara Region, Vulcan_

Tuvok calmly closed his computer terminal and walked from his office back into the living area of the home he shared with his wife.

“Who was that, my husband?” she asked him, lowering the text she was reading.

“Lieutenant Paris and his wife.”

“I see,” T’Pel replied.“And what was the purpose of their call?”

“They are planning a Christmas Eve party for _Voyager_ ’s former crew on Earth.They have invited us to attend.”

“And what did you answer?”

“I told them that I would have to speak to my wife first.”

“I have no objection to attending this party,” T’Pel said.“I would very much like to see Captain Janeway again after all these years and thank her for all she did to bring my husband home to me safely.And I would like to meet this crew I have heard so many stories about.”

“We do not celebrate Christmas,” Tuvok said, raising an eyebrow.

“No, but they are your friends.”

“Yes, they are.”Tuvok thought for a moment.“And it is true that I miss their company.”

If T’Pel hadn’t been Vulcan, she would have smiled gently.Instead, she gave a small nod.“I will pack our things.”

* * *

> _December 22, 2378_
> 
> _Freighter Independence_

Janeway was jolted out of her sleep by a loud bang.Her eyes snapped open, and she tried to understand what had woken her so abruptly.“Lights,” she called, and then squinted against the harsh, bright lights that illuminated her sparse quarters aboard Captain Liat’s freighter.As her sleep addled brain became fully aware, she realized what was wrong.The ship had dropped out of warp.The hum of the warp drive and the slight vibration of the floorboards had stopped.She reached for her clothes and then paused.Captain Liat’s crew was perfectly capable.Maybe she should just allow them to handle the problem, whatever it was.After all, she was only a passenger here.She lay back down and closed her eyes, about to order the lights out when another jolt rocked the ship.Something was definitely wrong.She activated the comm system.“Janeway to Liat.”She resisted the urge to ask him for a report, and instead said, “What’s our status?”

“We’re caught in an ion storm,” Liat replied, his voice sounding strained.“It came up out of nowhere.Looks like it knocked out our warp drive.”

“Might I be of assistance?” Janeway asked, reaching for her clothes again.

“That’d be much appreciated, Captain.Liat out.”

Janeway changed her clothes quickly and hurried to the bridge.“What’s our location?” she asked.

“Just outside of the Bolarus System,” Liat replied.“The closest planet is Bolarus XI.”

Janeway shook her head.“Uninhabited,” she said.“Can we send a distress call to Bolarus IX, the Bolian homeworld?”

Another jolt rocked the ship as another ion burst hit them.“That burst just knocked out another whole section of plasma conduits,” one of the crew said.

“Long range communications are down,” said another.

Liat looked at Janeway and grimaced.“I guess that means we can’t send a distress call to Bolarus XI.”

“Let me work on it,” Janeway offered.“I’ll see what I can do.”

She sat down at an empty work station and began to look at the damage.Immediately, her hopes sank.Liat’s ship was old, and while he kept it in good condition, it wasn’t built to withstand this kind of constant barrage from an ion storm.The plasma conduits were failing faster than they could be repaired, and if they couldn’t fix some of them soon, the whole ship would be out of commission.They would be stranded.

* * *

> _December 23, 2378_
> 
> _Lake Tahoe_

“Where should I put this?” Harry asked, carrying a heavy case of wine into the house.

“Just put it over there,” Tom instructed him, pointing.

“Tom, will you help me with this?” B’Elanna called from the living room.

“Be there in a minute,” he replied.He dusted his hands off on his pants and looked around the house.He had arrived with B’Elanna, Miral and Harry the day before to clean the house and set up all the Christmas decorations before the party, and everything was starting to come together.The old mountain lodge would be the perfect place to celebrate Christmas Eve, and they were making it look very festive.Tom and Harry had hung lights on the outside of the house that morning, and B’Elanna was decorating a giant tree in the living room.“This is going to be the best _Voyager_ Christmas party yet,” Tom said to Harry before going into the other room to find B’Elanna.

B’Elanna was on the top of a ladder, hanging ornaments near the top of the tree.Miral slept nearby in a small carrier.“Honey, will you just…” B’Elanna’s request was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door.“Are you expecting anyone else today?” she asked her husband.

“No,” Tom replied, equally confused.He walked through the hall and into the entryway where he answered the door, finding a somewhat haggard and very concerned looking Chakotay.“Chakotay, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“My friend, Captain Liat, the freighter pilot,” Chakotay began, sounding breathless, “the one who’s bringing the captain here, he hasn’t been in contact with me for over 24 hours.He missed a scheduled check-in with one of his clients.I asked some friends at Starfleet, and no one in the sector can raise his ship on hailing frequencies.Something’s wrong, Tom.”

“Come inside,” Tom urged, grabbing Chakotay by the arm and ushering him into the house.

“Chakotay!” B’Elanna exclaimed, hugging her old friend.“What’s wrong?”

Chakotay repeated his story for B’Elanna and Harry.“I think Kathryn’s in trouble,” he said.“I haven’t been able to reach her, either.”

“Maybe their comm system is down,” said Harry. 

“It’s true,” B’Elanna added.“It could be something that simple.”

“Maybe, but it could also be something much more serious,” Chakotay said.“I’m the one who put her aboard Liat’s ship.If something happened to her…”

Tom, B’Elanna and Harry all exchanged glances.They could hear the serious undercurrent in their former commander’s tone.If something happened to her, he would never forgive himself.

“If I were still in Starfleet,” Chakotay continued, “I’d just take a ship and go after her myself, but I’m not.”

“How would you even know where to look?” B’Elanna asked.

“I have Liat’s flight plan.I’d follow it backwards.His ship has to be somewhere along that path.”

“It could take you days just to requisition a ship,” B’Elanna said, “even for those of us who are still in Starfleet.”

“Your best bet is to get a ship that’s already out there to go looking for them,” added Harry.

“I don’t have enough pull with anyone high enough up the command chain to ask them to do that,” Chakotay said, his tone growing frustrated.

“Give me the flight plan,” Tom offered.“I’ll speak to my father.He has a fair amount of pull at Starfleet since Pathfinder’s success, and he has a soft spot for Captain Janeway.I’m sure he’ll do whatever he can to help.”

Chakotay nodded.“I just need access to a computer station.I’ll transfer the flight plan directly to Admiral Paris.”

“Great,” Tom said.“Follow me.”

* * *

Later that day, Chakotay stood on the deck of the Paris lodge overlooking the jagged, snow covered mountain peaks.He watched the reflections of the mountains in the clear blue water of the vast lake.He could see his breath in the air, and his fingers were turning red in the cold air.He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and paced to the other end of the deck. 

Admiral Paris had promised to contact all the Starfleet ships that were traveling along or near Liat’s flight plan.“We’ll find her, Chakotay,” Owen Paris had said.“Don’t worry.”

Yet Chakotay was worried.They’d survived so much in the Delta Quadrant, but always, then, they’d been together, able to rely on each other for support and protection.Since their return to the Alpha Quadrant, they’d all been isolated, separated, and Chakotay feared in some way that this had stripped them of their power and the good fortune that had kept them alive and safe for so many years.It was an irrational thought, he knew, but it plagued him just the same.

Inside the house behind him, Harry, Tom and B’Elanna prepared for Christmas.They decked the halls with holly and mistletoe, trimmed the tree with colored lights and decorations, prepared the wine to be drunk and cookies to be baked.Tom was playing holiday music from the music database, and it was piped through the entire house.Voices sang out joyful tunes as bands played and bells jingled.

Yet Chakotay felt none of the Christmas spirit that he knew he should be feeling.He felt only a longing in his heart, an emptiness that could be filled only by one person, the person who was supposed to be at his side, taking in the beautiful mountain view with him.The person with whom, he could only now admit to himself, he was supposed to share his life.

For seven years, he had stayed by her side, vowing to himself that her needs would come first.He had forgotten that pledge, for a brief moment near the end of their journey.Or perhaps he had lost sight of what her needs were, just as he had lost sight of his own.But now, he had regained his vision.He had deepened his understanding.And in this season that was supposed to be a season of miracles and hope, he was prepared to take a leap of faith.“Fall on your knees,” the strains of choral music wafted from the house.“Hear the angel voices.”

Chakotay looked up at the sky, at the rays of sun that shone down through puffy white clouds.He saw the mist of his breath in the cold mountain air.Chakotay didn’t believe in angels, but he did believe in spirits, and he bowed his head in silent prayer. _Spirits of my father, if you can hear me, there is a woman who needs your guidance.Bring her home, great spirits.Please, bring her home to me._

* * *

> _December 23, 2378_
> 
> _Freighter Independence_

“Life support is down,” Liat said, defeat creeping into his voice.“No long range communications.No warp drive.No impulse power.”

“There has to be something we can do,” Janeway said, wiping the sweat from her brow, leaving a streak of dirt across her forehead.She, Liat and his crew had been working nonstop for over 24 hours to try to stop the hemorrhaging of damage caused by the ion storm.One member of his crew had been killed in an explosion in engineering, and two others were in the infirmary, badly injured.As soon as they fixed one problem, another one appeared, until, finally, systems were failing faster than they could be fixed.Liat’s ship was sturdy, but it was old, and the storm had caused a chain reaction which had resulted in the failure of both warp and impulse drive.They had been adrift for several hours, and the inability to direct their movement had left them at the mercy of the storm.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Liat said.“I don’t think there’s anything we can do except wait and hope that another ship finds us.”He paused.“The good news is that, with you aboard, Starfleet might actually come looking for us.”He offered her a lopsided grin.

“I’ll look at the comm system one more time,” she said.“Maybe I can get a distress call out.”

“You don’t give up, do you?” Liat said with a tone of appreciation.

“We didn’t get through the Delta Quadrant by giving up,” she replied, and went to work on the badly damaged subspace communications system.

“While you do that, I’ll go down to engineering and see if there’s anything we can do about the impulse engines,” Liat said.“Computer, how many hours of breathable oxygen do we have left?”

“You have four hours, twenty seven minutes of oxygen remaining,” the computer answered.

“Better hope we can get something up and running by then,” Liat said as he prepared to leave the bridge.“Good luck.”

“You, too,” Janeway replied.She focused on the subspace communications system, but feared it was too badly damaged for her to repair.There was only so much rerouting she could do.Quite a few of the circuits and relays had been fried by the ion storm and had to be replaced.

_After all we survived in the Delta Quadrant_ , she thought, _I’m going to die because of an ion storm less than five light years from Earth._

She spent another several minutes working on the comm system before she collapsed back in her chair.She would try rewiring it through a backup system, but she felt herself losing hope.

“Warning,” the computer said with a beep, “four hours of oxygen remaining.”

Janeway felt a tear slip down her cheek.There would be no Christmas with her mother and sister, no reunion with her _Voyager_ crew. _“I’ll see you in a few days,”_ Chakotay had said.

“I hate to disappoint you,” she rasped quietly to herself, “but I don’t think you will.” 

“Captain?” a weary crew member on the bridge queried.There were two of Liat’s crew still on the bridge with her.The others that remained had dispersed throughout the ship, attempting to make repairs.

“Nothing,” she said.“Just talking to myself.”

The crewman nodded and resumed his work, pausing to wipe the sweat from his brow as he leaned against his station. 

Janeway, too, could feel herself becoming weaker.The air was getting thinner.Soon, she would start to experience symptoms of carbon dioxide poisoning.In her mind, she saw the dimpled grin of her former first officer. _You stood by my side through battles, through trade negotiations, through altered memories and altered genes,_ she thought. _We built a home together on a faraway planet and you brought me back from the dead and rescued me from an alien who was pretending to be my father’s ghost._

They had shared nearly everything, laughter, tears, fear, joy, terror, confusion, anger, forgiveness, betrayal, hatred and even love, although they had never expressed it to each other in so many words.Upon _Voyager_ ’s return, they had been separated, both by his relationship with Seven and by her assignment to Starbase 718.She realized now, as her head began to ache, that she had been separated not only from him, but from herself, that Starfleet’s plan to divide her crew and weaken their bonds had worked, but only because they had allowed it to.She now regretted that she had given in so easily to Starfleet’s orders, had accepted their demands so willingly, feeling that she didn’t have a choice.She regretted, too, that she had accepted Chakotay’s relationship with Seven without question, because her future self had told her of it, and it had seemed predestined.Perhaps nothing was predestined.Perhaps it was all a matter of choice.

“Warning,” the computer said.“Two hours and thirty minutes of oxygen remaining.”

She tried to concentrate on her work, despite the pounding in her temple.Perhaps there was something she could use as a distress beacon, some kind of signal beacon.She began to go through the inventory of what Liat had aboard his vessel.The minutes ticked by.She found her eyes closing and had to fight to keep them open.The crewman who had spoken to her earlier was already slumped over his console, his breathing labored.

“Warning,” the computer said, “sixty minutes of oxygen remaining.”

She took a shallow breath.It was almost Christmas Eve, she thought.Her crew would be assembling by now.Perhaps they would find a way, even without her, to renew the bonds that had made them like family and never take them for granted again.She thought she heard a faraway clock chiming midnight.Christmas Eve.It was supposed to be a night of miracles.

_I need a miracle,_ she thought, even though she wasn’t sure she believed in miracles. _A Christmas miracle._ She thought she heard the strains of a familiar song playing somewhere in the distance.“Star of wonder, star of light.Star of royal beauty bright.Westward leading, still proceeding.Guide us to thy perfect light.”Just before the moment that her eyes closed into darkness, she thought she saw a light, the brightest star she had ever seen.

* * *

> _December 24, 2378_
> 
> _Lake Tahoe_

“We three kings of Orient are,” the Doctor and Seven sang in perfect harmony as guests entered the Paris lodge.

Chakotay watched from a corner as Paris, B’Elanna and Harry greeted the guests as they arrived.Seven stood next to the Doctor, who was playing a keyboard he had brought with him, and they sang together, welcoming others who wanted to join in.Mike Ayala and Ken Dalby had already come over to greet Chakotay and ask softly about the captain.Obviously, the _Voyager_ rumor mill was still doing its job.

“No word yet,” Chakotay said.

He watched as Icheb entered the house, was hugged warmly by Tom and B’Elanna, and then was greeted with a shout by Naomi Wildman, who had arrived earlier with both her parents.“Icheb!”She jumped into his arms and the two friends hugged each other tightly.When she dislodged herself from his embrace, they immediately began chattering away as if they had just seen each other yesterday.In spite of his own worries, Chakotay couldn’t help but smile.It was good to see the crew together again, even if one of the most distinct presences was missing.

Chakotay turned away from the door to admire the work that Tom, Harry and B’Elanna had done to ready the house for the party.The large tree in the living room looked beautiful, and garland adorned the fireplace, in which a large fire raged.The house smelled of delicious food cooking and a hot mulled wine that was simmering on the stove.The sounds of laughter and the warm chatter of good friends surrounded him. 

A light touch on his shoulder pulled him out of his reverie, and he turned around, surprised to see the man who was greeting him.“Tuvok!” he exclaimed. 

“It is good to see you, Commander.”

He shook his head.“I’m not a commander anymore.It’s just Chakotay these days.”

“It is good to see you, Chakotay,” the Vulcan corrected himself.

“How are you feeling?” Chakotay asked.

“If you are referring to my medical condition, it has been fully treated.”

“That’s wonderful news.I’m very glad to hear it.”

“I appreciate your well wishes,” Tuvok said.Then he turned to the Vulcan woman at his side.“Chakotay, this is my wife, T’Pel.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Chakotay said. 

“And you, Chakotay,” T’Pel said in a melodious voice.“I’ve heard a great deal about you from my husband.”

“Hopefully not all bad,” Chakotay replied.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow at the jest and then lowered his tone.“I have just been informed that the captain may be in danger?”

Chakotay filled Tuvok in on the situation, grateful that for a few moments he did not have to avoid mentioning what was really on his mind or pretend to be in a festive mood when he didn’t feel festive at all.“I spoke to Admiral Paris earlier today, and he said that he had made contact with a ship in the region and sent them to investigate.”

“I’m sure that the outcome will be favorable,” Tuvok said

“Trying to reassure me, Tuvok?”

“Starfleet is highly competent in these matters,” the Vulcan replied.“It is only logical.”

Chakotay hoped that the impeccable Vulcan logic lived up to its reputation.Their conversation was interrupted by a loud announcement from Tom Paris.“The white elephant exchange will now begin.”

Tuvok gave Chakotay a confused glance.“Did Mr. Paris procure an elephant for this evening’s party?”

Chakotay laughed.“No, I think it’s some new game that Tom discovered.”

“I see.Mr. Paris is certainly inventive when it comes to parties.”

Chakotay hadn’t chosen to participate in the exchange, and hung back to watch.He knew that the rest of the senior staff was equally concerned about Janeway, but they were putting on a good show for the rest of the crew.He supposed he should do the same, but he opted to stay back out of the action, hoping that his melancholy mood wouldn’t affect the rest of the party goers, who all seemed happy to be together.

A large banquet table was set for a feast, and when they all sat down to dinner, Chakotay sat near Ayala and Dalby, two men he knew wouldn’t ask him any questions or make him talk much.After dinner, the crew gathered again in the large great room for more singing led by Seven and the Doctor.As Chakotay stood alone in a corner watching the festivities, he felt a hand on his elbow and looked down to see Naomi Wildman.

“Commander?” she said.

“I’m not a commander anymore, Naomi.” 

She furrowed her brow.“I know.But I feel funny calling you something else.”

“You can call me just Chakotay,” he said.“I promise it’s all right.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, “Chakotay.” 

“See, that wasn’t so hard.”

“I heard you’re worried about the captain.”

He uncrossed his arms and leaned over slightly so he was closer to her height.“I am worried about the captain.She was supposed to be here tonight, but no one has heard from her in a couple of days.”

Naomi nodded.“Icheb told me.But I don’t think you have to be worried, Comm… Chakotay.”

“Really?Why is that?”

“Because the captain can figure out any problem.I know she can.”

“Well, sometimes, Naomi, there are…”

“You know what the captain told me once?” Naomi asked, interrupting him. 

“What?”

“She said one of the rules of being a Starfleet captain is to never, ever give up on a member of your crew.And that’s why we can’t give up on her.”

“You’re right,” Chakotay said.“We can’t give up on her.”

“Besides,” Naomi continued, “it’s Christmas, and Christmas is a time when good things happen and wishes come true.Just like I wished that our _Voyager_ family could all be together on Christmas this year, even though we all live in different places now, and my wish came true.”

“I hope you’re right, Naomi.”

“I am,” she said, with all the assurance of a very mature seven year old.“Now come on,” she continued, tugging on his hand.“Come sit with us.I miss Neelix, and I’m sad that he’s not here, but my mom told me before the party that I shouldn’t let that ruin all the fun I might have, because if Neelix were here, he’d be having fun and he’d want me to have fun, too.I know Captain Janeway wouldn’t want you to be standing in the corner by yourself feeling sad.”

This much, Chakotay had to admit to himself, was true, and he resolved to spend the rest of the evening doing his best to enjoy the party and reconnect with the members of his crew.He let Naomi take his hand and lead him into the center of the group.Tom squeezed his shoulder and B’Elanna reached over to pat his knee, then brought him baby Miral to hold.As he held the sleeping baby against his chest, he looked down at her sweet, innocent face and smiled.

“God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing ye dismay,” Seven and the Doctor sang.

Dessert was served, and Chakotay allowed himself to indulge in a glass of wine.He made his way around the party, making sure to connect with each person who was there, asking them how they were doing, finding out how they were adjusting to their new lives.He found many of them echoing his own feelings of loneliness and isolation, and telling him how glad they were that they were here at the party tonight, and how glad they were that he was here.A few deigned to mention the captain, telling him they hoped she would still make an appearance before the night was over.Chakotay found that talking with his former crew lifted his spirits, and he realized that he had deeply missed the connections that he had with them.He found himself feeling grateful rather than melancholy.

As the evening wore on, the party began to thin out.Many of the guests began to leave, wishing Chakotay and the rest of the senior staff a very Merry Christmas.Chakotay overheard Samantha Wildman tell her daughter, “Naomi, it’s long past your bedtime.”

“But Mom, I want to stay until the captain comes.”

“Naomi, you know that the captain might not be able to come tonight.”

But Naomi shook her head stubbornly.“She’ll be here, Mom.I know she will.”

Samantha sighed and looked at the grandfather clock in the hallway that was about to strike eleven.“All right,” she said.“Another thirty minutes.But then we’re leaving.”

“An hour,” Naomi countered.

“Forty-five minutes,” Samantha replied, “and that’s final.Is that understood?”

“Yes, Mom,” Naomi answered, pouting.

Chakotay wished a good night to Tal Celes and Mariah Henley, reminding each of them that they should feel free to call him if they ever had a problem or wanted to talk about anything.Soon, it was only the senior staff, Icheb, and the Wildman family that remained. 

They sat on the large sofas and chairs in the great room, sipping their wine.The conversation had grown quiet.Miral had fallen asleep in a portable crib that B’Elanna had set up in one of the bedrooms, and B’Elanna was sitting on Tom’s lap on one of the oversized armchairs.Harry was sitting next to them on a sofa, his glass of wine in hand.Seven sat on the other side of him, and Tuvok and T’Pel were on another sofa nearby.Naomi and Icheb had found their way to a quiet corner and were talking and giggling, while Samantha Wildman sat next to her husband, holding his hand.The Doctor was still sitting on the piano bench, although he’d stopped playing earlier, and now the piped in music had resumed.The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed the half hour chime.

“Fifteen minutes,” Samantha reminded her daughter.

“Well, I’d like to propose a toast,” the Doctor said, raising his glass, “to Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim for organizing a wonderful celebration.”

Chakotay lifted his glass, as did the others.“Hear, hear,” he said.

“It felt good to all be together again,” said Tom, after sipping his drink.“We should do this more often.”

“It’s hard when we’re stationed all over the quadrant,” Harry said.

“But we’ve just proved that if we plan something, even at the last minute, we can make it happen,” said B’Elanna.“Almost the entire crew managed to attend.Imagine if we planned months in advance.”

“It would be nice to do something a couple times a year,” added Sam.

“Yes,” Chakotay agreed.“Even though we’ve been scattered all across the quadrant, it’s important that we don’t forget that we’re a family.We’re connected to each other.”

“We have unique shared experiences,” said Tuvok, “that others cannot comprehend.”

“I have not been able to form the same kinds of relationships with my new colleagues that I had on _Voyager_ ,” Seven admitted.

“Give it time, Seven,” the Doctor said.“You will.”

“Yes,” Chakotay agreed.“We all will eventually form new relationships, but that won’t make the community we formed on _Voyager_ any less meaningful or important.We just need to make the time to see each other, make sure we stay in each others’ lives.”There were murmurs of ascension around the room. 

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,” the song played.“Just like the ones I used to know, where the treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow.”

“Why a white Christmas?” Seven asked, listening to the lyrics.“I fail to see what is so important about having snow during this holiday.”

“Well, actually, the song was written by a famous 20th Century American songwriter called Irving Berlin,” said Tom, always eager to show off his knowledge of 20th Century history.“When he wrote it, he was in California, where there was no snow, and so he wrote the song about dreaming of Christmas back in New York, where he had grown up, and it was colder and snowed at Christmastime.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple, Mr. Paris,” the Doctor said.“Listen to the melody, the chord structure, the way it evokes pathos.I can’t believe that a great composer like Irving Berlin would write such a sweeping, heartfelt melody about the weather.”

“I think what the Doctor is trying to say,” said Chakotay, looking at Seven, “is that a white Christmas is a metaphor for the beauty and innocence of Christmases past.He’s dreaming of a time when things were simpler, when Christmas was joyful, perhaps a time when he was with the ones he loved, and not alone.I don’t think it’s really about snow at all.”Chakotay didn’t realize that everyone was staring at him, surprised at his lengthy speech and the raw emotion in his voice.

But before anyone could respond, there was a knock at the door and everyone froze, looking at each other in curiosity and hope.“Come in,” Tom Paris called.

“Did I miss the party?”

Chakotay was facing away from the door, but he saw Naomi Wildman’s eyes gleaming with excitement.He stood slowly from his chair, his heart pounding as he heard the unmistakably familiar voice.He turned around to face the door and saw the most beautiful sight he had ever seen in his life.Standing there in simple civilian clothes was Kathryn Janeway.The sight of her took his breath away.

“Captain!” Naomi cried, jumping up from her spot on the floor and running to embrace Janeway.“I knew you’d come!I just knew it!”

Janeway wrapped her arms around the young girl, her eyes glistening.Tom and B’Elanna were on their feet next, escorting Janeway into the great room.Everyone in the room surrounded her, but Chakotay remained standing, frozen in place.He watched, as if out of time, out of his body, as the others in the room greeted the captain.The Doctor embraced her, as did Seven, a little shyly.Harry offered to get her a plate of food while Tuvok, Icheb and Samantha Wildman all greeted her.Finally, she was standing in front of him.“Hello, Chakotay.”

“Hello, Kathryn.”Their eyes remained locked for a moment longer than necessary, and he sat down, patting the sofa beside him.She sat next to him, and Harry handed her a plate of food and a glass of wine.

“We saved some for you, Captain,” he said with a grin.

“What Harry means is we have so many leftovers that we would have put them in storage to feed the crew for an entire week in the Delta Quadrant,” said B’Elanna.

Chakotay reached out and touched Kathryn’s hand, reassuring himself that she was real.“You’re here,” he said in amazement.

“Just barely,” she replied.Her tone was one of jest, but the underlying edge in her voice told him that her situation had been serious.

“Tell us what happened,” he said.

She took a sip of her wine and told them all about getting trapped in the ion storm, Captain Liat’s heroic efforts to repair the damages, how the systems had been failing faster than they could repair them.“I thought we were done for,” she admitted, not looking at Chakotay as she said it.“We were adrift.No subspace communications.No warp drive, and then even impulse drive failed.But then, just as life support was failing, we were found by a Starfleet ship, the _USS Fearless_ , sent by Admiral Owen Paris,” she said, looking at Tom pointedly.

Tom shrugged, merely happy that his father had been able to help bring the captain home safely.

“What about Liat?” Chakotay asked.

“The _Fearless_ crew repaired his life support and was able to call for a tow ship to bring the _Independence_ to Starbase 10 for repairs.”

Chakotay put his arm around Kathryn’s shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze before releasing her.“Well, I, for one, am grateful that you made it home in one piece.”

“And in time for Christmas, too,” she replied happily.

The grandfather clocked chimed quarter to midnight.“Naomi, it’s time to go,” said Sam.

For a moment, the young girl looked as though she was about to object, but then she thought better of it and nodded to her mother.

“I should go, too,” said Icheb.“I’ll call for transport back to the Academy.” 

Farewells and hugs were given all around, along with wishes of “Merry Christmas.” 

Now that the young people had left, the conversation grew more quiet.Tom poured another round of wine, and Janeway had a chance to catch up quietly with each of her senior staff.She found herself feeling overjoyed to see each one of them and hear about what their new lives in the Alpha Quadrant were like.She was ecstatic to hear that Tuvok had fully recovered from his illness and glad to see T’Pel again after so many years.She noticed that Chakotay hovered just behind her left shoulder, never straying far from her side as she moved from person to person.

After she had spent a few minutes talking to each of the members of her former senior staff, they, too, began to disperse.Tuvok and T’Pel said goodnight and departed, and soon after, Seven of Nine and the Doctor followed.Tom, B’Elanna and Harry started to clean up the plates and glasses, quietly leaving the room.

Janeway looked around and chuckled softly.“Not so subtle, are they?” she asked.

Chakotay didn’t answer her question, but instead stood and offered her his hand.“I believe you have a promise to keep.”

She placed her hand in his and let him pull her to her feet.She felt his arm encircle her waist as his fingers intertwined with hers. 

He gazed down at her.The Christmas tree lights cast a gentle glow over her face, and her blue eyes were shining.“Computer,” he said softly, “play White Christmas.”The melodic sounds of strings and bells began to play as Bing Crosby’s deep voice started to sing.Chakotay relished the feeling of Kathryn’s fingers in his, how small her waist felt with his arm wrapped around her.He gazed into her eyes, opening his heart to her, allowing her to see his raw emotions come to the surface.All the feelings he’d done his best to hide throughout the party now bubbled up and showed in his face.The worry he’d felt at her disappearance, the anguish at the thought he might never see her again, the relief when he heard her voice in the doorway, the complete affection and love for her that overwhelmed him now as he saw and felt her in his arms at last.

Kathryn cherished the feeling of Chakotay’s arm around her, the feeling of his large hand enveloping her smaller one.She rested her cheek against his chest.Just 24 hours earlier, she had been unsure whether or not she would live to see this moment, and now, she felt more safe than she could remember having felt in a long time.Tears gathered in her eyes, blurring the colored lights on the Christmas tree, as she felt the joy and magic of the Christmas of her childhood, feelings she’d thought were lost forever, flood her being.

“May your days be merry and bright,” the melodious voice sang, “and may all your Christmases be white.”

Chakotay let the hand holding hers slide up the length of her arm and come to rest on the nape of her neck, cradling her head against his chest.He felt her now free hand encircle his back, holding him close.He felt overwhelmed with a feeling of joy and gratitude.Two weeks earlier, he had wondered whether he belonged anywhere anymore, but now, with this woman in his arms, he knew exactly where he belonged.Right here.Right now.With her.

They rocked gently against each other, each taking strength from the other, each of them relishing and savoring the moment, never wanting the simple, old-fashioned song to end.As the song’s refrain repeated one last time, they stopped swaying and came to a standstill.Chakotay pulled back slowly, taking Kathryn’s face between both hands.He wiped away an errant tear that had fallen onto her cheek with his thumb.Her eyes were wide and her heart was open.He leaned forward to press his lips to hers.

“Ahem.”The loud sound of Tom Paris clearing his throat broke the moment, and Chakotay and Kathryn pulled away from each other abruptly, turning around to see Tom, Harry and B’Elanna, holding little Miral, all watching them.

“Oh, uh…”Awkwardly, Chakotay tried to find something to say.

“We just wanted to say goodnight,” said Tom, saving him the trouble.“We’re taking Miral to my parents house and spending Christmas Day with them.”

“And I have to get to my parents’, too,” Harry added hastily.

“You’re welcome to stay here tonight,” Tom said. 

“Thank you, Tom,” said Janeway, entwining her fingers with Chakotay’s.She tugged at his hand gently and led him towards the entryway to the house.They all hugged each other, and Kathryn whispered some extra words of thanks to Tom.

Choruses of, “Goodnight,” and, “Merry Christmas!” were repeated all around.

Kathryn and Chakotay watched from the front porch as Tom and B’Elanna settled Miral into a baby seat in the back of their hovercar, and Harry got into his.They waved as the two cars drove away into the night.

The mountain air was cold, but refreshing, and the bright moonlight cast a glow on the snow that covered the yard and the mountains in the distance.A single star shone brighter than all the others in the sky, and Kathryn looked up at it and smiled.Somehow, she had gotten her Christmas miracle after all.She rubbed her arms as the cold air began to seep into her skin.

“Cold?” Chakotay asked.“Do you want to go inside?”

She shook her head.“Not yet.It’s so beautiful out here.”

Chakotay wrapped her in his arms, shielding her from the cold and looked down at her face in the moonlight.“Naomi Wildman told me that Christmas is the time when all your wishes come true,” he said softly.

“And was she right?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay nodded.“All I wished for was for you to come home safe,” he said.“To have you like this, in my arms, it’s more than I could have hoped for.”

She squeezed him tightly and rested her cheek against his chest again.“On the _Independence_ , I found myself wishing for a Christmas miracle of my own,” she admitted.Then she looked up at him.“I guess I got my wish, too.”

“Kathryn,” he whispered her name like a prayer into the cold night air.His breath appeared as a mist, dissipating into the darkness as he leaned closer to her and finally pressed his lips against hers.The kiss was simple, chaste, the final sealing of a pledge made long ago.

When he pulled back from the kiss, she was smiling a smile of pure joy.She reached up and wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck, pulling him to her for another kiss.This kiss was one of passion, their tongues tangling and dancing together, the heat of their bodies pressing against one another, a promise of things to come.

It was Christmas morning, and they had found their miracle and gotten their wish.It was in the companionship they shared with the extended family they had created in their crew. And it was in their love for each other, amidst the pure, white snow that surrounded them.

_May your days be merry and bright_

_And may all your Christmases be white_


End file.
